Faded Memories
by GottaHavePride
Summary: A BillxTom one-shot with a twist. Read it through to the end, it may turn into a lot more! Bill x Tom, Twincest!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, wow. This one-shot spiraled away from me. It may become my next story, when and if I finish Amanda's. It was supposed to be some innocent (haha, innocent) twincest, Bill and Tom, and then… I dunno. It just turned into something so much more. But I suppose that's what I get for writing from 4 AM til 8 AM. Four straight hours, staying up all night, turns into this…**

**I'm kind of pleased with it, actually.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own, manage, produce, stalk, or otherwise call Tokio Hotel or any of their members, including the sexy Kaulitz twins, my own.**

I sighed and dropped my keys onto the silver platter by the front door, scrubbing my hand across my face wearily. Another night club-hopping, another night without a girl that turned me on. It'd been that way since… Everything started. Everything between Bill and I.

It had started out innocently enough. A kiss on the cheek. Hell, there were pictures of us laughing as I kissed him on the cheek online. That was all I'd intended to happen. But Bill was unprepared for my brotherly affection, and someone called his name, and he turned his head at the right time… And our lips had met.

Worst, we'd lingered. Time had frozen. Instead of breaking off immediately, we'd hesitated. And then time sped back up, and Bill broke away and shoved at me. "_Go find a girl if you're that horny, Tom,_" he'd joked, though he'd known it was a mistake. Then he'd skipped off to go answer to whoever had called his name.

That night we'd returned to our hotel room. We'd looked at each other. Bill followed me into my room. He kissed me. I let it happen, but then I freaked. Told him it had been a mistake. That it couldn't happen again. He'd hastily agreed, and had left.

Then, a week later, he'd brought me home, drunk off my ass. Horny as hell, too. He'd proceeded to take advantage of me – my younger, inexperienced brother, taking advantage of _me,_ Tom Kaulitz! That's what had prevented it from going on. He'd hesitated when it came to the removal of pants, and I'd shoved him away, and ran to my room in my boxers. Luckily the G's hadn't been over that night.

But his final advance had been my downfall. I remembered it fondly.

Bill and I were in his hotel room. Why I was in there, I don't know. I should have known better. We were drunk off our asses, and playing poker. I was thoroughly whipping him.

"Let's play strip poker, Tom!"

I'd been rather surprised. Strip poker? But whatever, he'd probably just run out of money and clothes were the only thing he had left to bet. "Fine, strip poker it is, baby brother. But I'm still going to beat you."

So our bets were placed. Bill was wearing a hat – so was I, of course. We threw those in, and I proceeded to actually lose a round. Chalking it up to luck and a bad draw, I lost my hat. Bill crammed the both of them on his head and grinned at me.

Next round. Bill bet a hat, and I bet my headband. I lost – again. Frustrated now, I relinquished my headband to my younger twin. He looped it around his wrist and laughed.

Third round. I was in my socks, so I took one off and threw it in. Bill wrinkled his nose and tossed my headband in with my sock; I quickly separated the two. Again, I lost.

Bill claimed my sock and shoved it on his bare foot, now positively giggling. I sighed and bet my other sock. Bill threw in the sock he'd just claimed, and we played. I lost.

Now I was sockless, hatless, no headband. The next bet had to be something of worth. I sighed, and shrugged out of my baggy t-shirt, balled it up, and tossed it in. Bill removed a hat, and I shook my head. "No way. My t-shirt is worth like, two hats, a headband, and a sock."

Bill just grinned. "Or another shirt." He maneuvered out of his shirt, knocking off the two caps in the process, and after re-situating them he threw the shirt in. I got a good look at my brother's shirtless body, with his freshly inked tattoo winding up his side, that old star tattoo on his hip…

We played. I had a hell of a hand; two kings, ace high. I was confident I would finally get some clothes back. I laid down my cards. Bill laughed like a maniac and threw down his full house. "Fuck!" I exclaimed. I'd lost my shirt. Bill scooped in his winnings and set them aside. "Aren't you going to put your shirt back on?"

"Too much effort," he said.

"Then you're losing as much as I am, if you've got a shirt off."

"Nah. I'm keeping my shirt off, Tomi. Deal with it." I sighed and shrugged, then realized my dilemma. I was down to my pants and my boxers. Wait. I had a belt. I unbuckled it and threw it in; Bill laughed and tossed in my cap. We played. Again, I lost.

He grabbed my belt and buckled it around his own waist, not bothering to thread it through the loops of his jeans. He set the cap aside and grinned cockily at me – an expression that was normally mine to claim. I sighed. "Alright. Seriously, aren't you getting tired of this?"

"Nope." Bill giggled; something glinted in his eye. It was then that I got a feeling he had an ulterior motive. I brushed it aside, and with another long-suffering sigh, stood up to remove my pants and throw them messily – and slightly angrily – onto the pile. I sat back down with a huff – which was funny, Bill was normally the one too huff at things – and watched as he took off his own jeans and put the much smaller pair on top of my 3x too large ones.

"Really, Bill? Unicorn boxers?"

I had to laugh. He grinned at me and examined my own black pair with a scrutinizing eye. "Hey, at least mine are interesting. Yours are all… plain. And black."

"Black's your favorite color," I observed.

He shook his head and giggled. Bill, always a giggler, sounded even more like a school-girl when he was drunk, while I could normally retain normal thought and speech patterns. Just without a filter. "It's orange today. Tonight. Though I suppose black may be coming into fashion again," he mused, appraising my waist and loins. I chewed on my lip ring nervously; what did he mean by that?

"Whatever. Let's play." I dealt; and this time I knew I had him beat. A full house, Kings and Aces. That was impossible to beat. Unless, of course, you had a royal flush. Which Bill did.

"Hahahahaha!" He crowed, snatching up my jeans and his. But again, he didn't put them back on. I noticed, and this time wasn't so sure I was going to play along with it.

"Bill, put your pants on. You won."

He shook his head emphatically. "Nope. It's hot in here."

I sighed. "It's hot because you've been drinking. Which we're no longer going to be doing. Put your pants on or I'm quitting."

Bill scowled at me. "You're just a sore loser."

I rolled my eyes. "No, Bill, I'd just rather not see you naked."

Bill pouted. "We're twins. We shared a uterus. And a vagina. And… shit like that. Our dicks probably look exactly alike." He giggled uncontrollably at this.

I barely concealed a smirk. "I don't care. Put your pants on."

Bill paused, looked down, and then aimed his gaze upward. Fuck. The puppy-dog look. No one could pull this on me… except my twin. "Pleeaaase, Tomi?" Ahhh, the use of the twins-only pet name. "One more round. Then we can stop."

I sighed. I'd forgotten what we were arguing about – the use of the puppy-dog look, and the fact that I was drunk, was probably to blame for that. I shrugged, and standing up, messily tugged down my boxers. My mostly flaccid dick was revealed. Bill started giggling uncontrollably, even worse than before; he stood up and took off his own boxers. Hey, our dicks did look exactly alike.

We played. I got a shitty hand, and Bill beat it with a pair of Jacks. I sighed as he scooped in the boxers. "There. I lost. Completely. I'm going to bed now, give me my clothes." I reached for them, and Bill grabbed them all, jumped up, and danced out of reach.

"Come get them!"

"Bill!" Half scowling, half laughing, I chased him around the hotel room until he tried unsuccessfully to jump across the bed. He landed in the middle, and I, not thinking about our nudity, pounced on top of him.

"Aha! Gotcha, you stupid little bastard." I grinned stupidly, and then came to a screeching halt, because something was pressing into my thigh. A hard something. Unwittingly, I looked down. Bill. It was Bill's… you know what. I slowly looked up into Bill's face, and Bill jumped me, pressing his lips firmly to mine.

I could have stopped it. I could have pulled away, grabbed my clothes, and run for it. But I didn't. My drunken ass kissed him back.

I played with his tongue ring, teasing it, swirling the tip of my tongue around it, then tangled with his tongue, warring playfully. I withdrew my tongue and he followed me, exploring my mouth, fiddling with my lip ring, swiping his tongue ring across my lip. I pulled back, gasping, and latched onto his slender neck, raining kisses neck down the curve of it, licking, sucking, and even giving little play nibbles here and there. I reached his chest and swirled my tongue along his already hard nipple; he gasped and groaned, but his hand dived into my hair and tugged me downward. I trailed kisses down his stomach, to his waist, and then Bill sucked his breath in as I blew softly on his engorged penis.

I laughed at my little brother and used the tip of my tongue to trace the underside, starting from the base at his balls and travelling up to the tip. Once there I opened my mouth and guided him inside of me, going as far back as I could until I felt myself begin to gag. I swallowed, and Bill convulsed, and screamed my name. "TOMI!" I worked his hot shaft in my mouth to the best of my abilities, and it wasn't long until my baby brother was shooting his hot seed deep into my throat. I swallowed it greedily, and released him.

He pounced on me, reversing our positions. He bent down and began to lap at my balls, causing me to groan and thrust against his head. He giggled, and came to the head of my dick, parting his lips to allow me inside. I thrust deeply into him and he took it all, not gagging a bit. Almost like he'd practiced? I didn't want to think about that, and I wasn't much able to anyways – he was working me furiously, using his lips, tongue, and holy shit, his teeth on me to set a furious pace. I tried to cling to the edge of sanity – I was famous with girls for lasting forever – but something about my twin's hot mouth had me coming within minutes, pumping hard and fast. He pulled away and crawled on top of me, and we fell asleep together that night.

It hadn't stopped there. Once one encounter happened, Bill saw no reason for it to stop. It happened for years, until I got to the point that no one but Bill could satisfy me. We came to know each other as more than twins. We knew each other as lovers.

Grinning to myself, the memory making me horny, I rushed into our now shared bedroom of our house and opened the door.

Bill looked up. He was bent over a piece of paper, pen in hand. Suitcases were scattered around the room; all of his tour cases, and all of his vacation cases, packed full to busting. He looked shocked to see me home. "Tom. I didn't know you would be home so soon." He looked almost… afraid. I, however, wasn't looking at him – I was staring at the suitcases, packed.

Suddenly, the door to our house opened. I'd forgotten to lock it, which was stupid. Thinking it was some rabid fangirl come to stalk us, I whirled, prepared to call Tobi. But it was Tobi himself. He also looked shocked to see me. Behind him were our other security guards.

I turned to Bill. "Billa, what's-"

He cut me off. "Tomi, I'm moving out. I… found a girl. Her name is Amanda. She's the most gorgeous girl in the world, and she's so kind, so full of love… She's a fan, but she's so calm, so… real."

I stared at her. Dimly the world around me faded. My heart thundered. _No. No. No._ I thought the word with each beat. "What do you mean?"

Bill sighed. Suddenly he seemed so much older than me, even though I was the older twin. "I'm in love with her, Tomi. I want a family with her. I've been seeing her for the past few months."

I shook my head dazedly. "No. Bill… A few months? That's not love…. You know how you rush into things. What about us?" I'd forgotten about Tobi and the others; mine and Bill's love affair was a closely kept secret. I didn't care anymore.

Bill sighed, and smiled sadly at me. He motioned; Tobi and the others moved around me and began gathering suitcases, two to a guard. That was six cases. Bill picked up an over-night back stuffed to the brim and slung it over his shoulder, then grabbed two more cases. Eight. Nine with the overnight bag. All the cases he owned. They were capable of fitting all of his clothes and belongings.

"I'm leaving now, Tomi. I love you, big brother. We'll still have the band, of course. We'll still have Tokio Hotel."

He moved past me; the guards followed. I turned, a haze crossing over my vision. I felt something… something in my chest. Was that my heart breaking? I couldn't tell.

"Bill, no… I love you… You love me… You can't do this. We're…"

"Wrong," he finished, frowning at me. "What we've done is wrong, and illegal, and so many things. I love you as a brother, Tom. No, I love you as a _twin._ But nothing more. What happened in the past is in the past. I'm sorry. I'm going now; Amanda's waiting for me."

He finessed the door open, and the guards filed past. I stood in the middle of the room, staring at him, dumbstruck. This wasn't happening… I was dreaming.

"Bye, Tom. I'll see you at practice tomorrow, okay?"

Numbly I nodded. He smiled at me, turned, and walked out the door, closing it behind him. I followed and shut it, on automatic. _Automatic._

_You're automatic and your hearts like an engine  
I die with every beat  
You're automatic and your voice is electric  
but do I still believe?  
It's automatic every word in your letter  
The lie connects the beat  
It's automatic when you say things get better  
but they never…_

_There's no real love in you  
There's no real love in you  
There's no real love in you  
Why do I keep loving you  
It's so automatic calling comes from the crossroad  
They come and go like you  
It's automatic watching faces I don't know  
Erase the face from you_

The lyrics echoed in my head. I found myself fingering the notes, as if I was playing the guitar. I turned, and started to notice things. The suite… was empty. Kind of. All of Bill's knick-knacks, which were what had filled the space up, given it life, were gone. I turned to the mantle above the fireplace. One lone picture remained; it was of me and Bill. We were looking at each other, sharing one of our 'twin moments'. I crossed to the mantle, on auto-drive. I picked up the picture and stared at it.

I dropped to the floor. Tears came to my brown eyes; I allowed them to fall soundlessly. This went on for several minutes, silent tears, until the noise caught up with me and wracking sobs exploded from my body, curled on the floor, wrapped around the picture of Bill and I.

I lay there. I'm not sure for how long; may have been minutes. May have been hours. Eventually I ran out of tears, and the sobs quieted. Slowly I rose to my feet. I took the picture with me, to mine and Bill's bedroom. Mine now. Just mine.

I set it on our nightstand – empty of his normal paraphernalia. I crawled into bed. I left my clothes on. My cap too. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling.

_The pain of love will last forever…_

I was in love with my twin brother, Bill Kaulitz. And he'd broken my heart.


	2. The Letter: An Epilogue of Sorts?

**A/N: So, I decided to go ahead and reveal what Bill wrote in his letter. Mostly to satisfy orgymoogle, and anyone who like her thinks Bill was being a little cold-hearted. We all know our fluffy Bill is no such thing, and I think this letter conveys that.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own, manage, produce, stalk, or otherwise call Tokio Hotel or any of their members, including the sexy Kaulitz twins, my own.**

_Dear Tomi,_

_This letter has been long coming. Months, really. I'm sorry I didn't write it sooner; I'm sorry that I let us grow so distant over the past months. I thank you for not asking questions, though I wonder why you didn't. It's as if you were in your own star-struck world…_

_Anyways. I know things have been strained between us, Tomi, and I'm sorry. I've been brushing you off. You haven't been getting what you want from me, and I apologize for that. And I know that you know that when I do fuck you, my heart's not into it._

_Her name is Amanda. Tomi, you would love her. She's the most brilliant girl in the world. She's smart, funny, she has such a sarcastic sense of humor… She's such a pervert too, you two would get along quite well. Gustav and Georg love her. So does Andreas. She's so kind, even though she doesn't see it. She's got a twin, Tomi! Her twin's name is Joy, and we've become the best of friends. Joy and I have so much in common, it's unreal. I can't wait for you to meet her; I think you'll really like her too, if you know what I mean._

_Amanda… She's… Everything to me. I ran into her at a gift shop in France, that day I went shopping on my own? We clicked. We stayed in contact through the internet, because we were on tour and she had to go back to the U.S. But she came back to Germany for a vacation, and I convinced her to move here, permanently. Oh, Tomi, she's so beautiful._

_I'm sorry I led you on. When you first told me you loved me, after we had sex… It scared me. I knew right away what you meant. I couldn't say it back, because I don't feel that way for you, Tomi. What we had was special, Tom, and… It'll never be the same for me with anyone else. But I'm in love with Amanda, and I can't lead two lives like that… We need to go back to being twins, Tomi. Siblings were never meant for that kind of love, and for twins especially to do it, it's…_

_Don't get me wrong, Tom. I don't regret it at all, none of it. I remember all those nights fondly… The time the G's almost caught us and we had to pretend you'd just gotten out of the shower and I had just gotten in… The first time we kissed, so accidental… The first time we fucked._

_But Tomi, this isn't the end of us. We're not lovers, but we'll always be twins. I still love you, Tomi… I just never was IN love with you._

_I'm sorry if I've hurt you , but I think you'll move on with time. Go out there, Tomi. You now know something you didn't believe before – you're capable of true love. Find it in someone else. A girl. A guy, even, I don't care. Someone who deserves it, because I don't._

_Love,_

_Your younger brother,_

_Billa_


End file.
